Reflections After a Long Day

For the past few weeks our calendars have been marked and our time had been "blocked" from 9:30 AM- 5:30 PM. Today was our "Fast Track Birthing Class". We opted for one intense day instead of 4 weeks of giving up 2 hours of evening time that would be subject to cancellation and rescheduling.


The day thankfully did seem to sail by and we both were able to stay comfortable throughout the class. Personally, I've read enough books, spoken to many women about their birthing experience, watched a few educational delivery videos and watched my fair share of "A Baby Story"- thank you TLC- to know the in's and out's of labor. Plus it helps being a biologist and finding the physiological process quite fascinating. With all this in mind I was quite shocked when the first wave of being overwhelmed hit once the breakdown of the stages of labor was set before us. Its daunting when we are speaking of labor in HOURS. I know my options and I am not ruling out being medicated, BUT we are still talking HOURS. Couple that with the unknown, which regardless of the situation when its a new experience is scary. I know this is natural. The feeling of being completely overwhelmed took to new heights when we took a tour of the hospital. Don't get me wrong it was comforting to get acquainted with the space we will find ourselves in just a few weeks, but seeing the labor and post-pardum rooms sent my mind to that day (or days). I am a very visual person and in those moments a "movie" of what was to come began playing out in my mind. I haven't been delusional up until this point. I acknowledge that women have been doing this for thousands up thousands of years and that our bodies were made to perform this incredible feat. For the past couple of weeks I had been feeling more apprehensive when thinking about the actual delivery as I feel her moving about in her larger state, but seeing the space made it so real.


I keep thinking to myself it's only one day amongst thousands of days. I keep thinking of the power of positive thinking. I keep thinking of taking moment by moment. I keep thinking I know I can do this. I know we can do this. Evan has been an incredible support in our conversations regarding my anxiety's and thoughts that cropped up today. I know to trust my body and the natural process. In the coming hours and days I am in desperate need of decompressing and get a handle on this overwhelming feeling.